Time Tells The Backstory

Today was not a spectacular day, being Labor Day and all. However, I did get to go for a walk on my favorite trail with a friend. It felt SO glorious to walk so far that my body ached. I am very horribly out of shape. I am also in dire need of time spent with friends. Actually, I am more in dire need of a vacation. That one looks nearly impossible, so the next best thing is the time spent with friends. My friends know me best.

Dad is sad. Mom has been away to heaven since the 12th of August. Even though she spent so much time in her bedroom either sick or simply not feeling well enough to be up and about, Dad misses her being in the house. I only have my own I'm ~ the ~ not~ favorite~ daughter feelings of my mom not being around. I'm thrilled that she's with Jesus, whole, happier than imaginable and no longer tied down to the pain of a cancer riddled body. I do miss her. I can no longer hug her or hold her. Her clothes with her scent still hang in her closet but she is not there. Tears have welled up in my eye sockets and spilled down onto my chest when I have stood in that closet....needing her to just appear and hold me. Later, when I am distracted by my now a bit more normal life, I am so glad that  I no longer have to see her in "that state"...no longer have to wonder how much longer, no longer need to be concerned about sister and her ability to tend to mom. I offered to spend the night there to give her and visiting sister and voraciously helpful friend a break but was told "no, no, she( friend) said she was here to do this so we could have a break". Okay, fine...I needed to be in the peace of my home anyway with hubby who was dealing with his own issues. I'm so thankful that all of that is over, the service is over. Now it's just us again; nobody from out-of-town is around to liven things up and keep dad distracted. He may have wanted the peace and quiet after a while, but now it might be too quiet. Too lonely. I cannot be at their house every day or even every other day. I cannot be the savior. The siblings who are much more loved than me live 2 hours away and they are tied to a job and a Childcare commitment.  This is definitely not a happy situation that we're in and I'm hoping that God will have mercy on us and help dad through it.